Our relationships with other humans are ever shifting situations that are full of many aspects, both good and bad. When things are going well, a successful relationship can make life infinitely better. When things are going poorly, it can be utter agony. We devote a lot of our time and energy in trying to make our relationships with others work and it often seems like a never ending process. Today we are going to address some relationship issues sent in by our readers that vary from disapproving Indian parents to classic love triangles with a side dish of secret signs.
My Conservative Parents Disapprove Of My Current Relationship, What Can I Do?
“I have been dating someone for 3 years now and I really love her deeply. The problem is that my parents are old school conservative Indian traditionalists and they won’t accept me being with a white woman. I have always had a progressive mindset and never viewed love through race or culture. Now I feel like I am in a position where I have to pick either my parents or her. What should I do?”–Disapproving Parents
I am about to give you an answer that is going to make traditional Indian parents the world over give me disapproving glares, but nevertheless it is one that I believe in strongly. Pick her, not your parents. Living your life to please others is an exercise in futility and will only wear you out. Maintaining a false mask in an attempt to make others happy is utterly pointless in the long run.
The most valuable commodity you have is time. It is much too precious to waste. We don’t get back the time we have wasted trying to please others. Living your life by your parents strict specifications will only lead to resentment in the long run. You are probably going to be on this planet long after your parents have passed on, and you will end up deeply regretting the time wasted not being true to yourself and your desires.
Say you give up the love of your life to please your parents…inside you are just going to be miserable and resenting them. Which isn’t healthy for anyone. Nobody wins in that situation. If your parents truly love you, they will end up accepting your choice of partner, traditions be damned. If they can not, they honestly don’t sound like the best parents out there. What sort of parents would be opposed to their child being happy and in love just because their choice in partner has the wrong skin color or cultural background?
I truly hope in the long run that your parents come around to your choice of partner when they see how happy you are. In a perfect world they will. While we may not live in a perfect world, choosing your heart over stifling traditions is a move in the right direction.
Are There Any Secret Signs That Let Me Know A Girl Is Into Me?
“There is a classmate that I am really attracted to, and I am sure that she likes me back. She is always looking over at me and smiling and she often seems to make a point of acting really flirtatious towards me. How do I act on all of these signals that she is throwing my way?”–Secret Signs
Ah, secret signs. The ones that some hopeful men are always reading coming off of women based on every movement and facial expression. These “signs” that some men are always seeing are why women learn to so strictly police their smiles, actions, and behaviors so as to lessen the chance of being called a tease…so instead we get called “cold” or “unfriendly.” We can’t win either way.
When I am interested in someone I tell them. As most women do. In flat out and in clear terms. It saves everyone a lot of valuable time. I don’t send out smoke signals, hidden body language and facial expressions for them to decode and interpret. If she is a gameplayer that can’t be clear with you and is trying to communicate via “looking over at you”, is that really the type of person that you want to try and enter into a relationship with? Clear communication is what makes for the smoothest relationships.
Fear of rejection is difficult to overcome but you can’t let it cripple you. There is nothing in life that is worth doing that does not come with the possibility of failure. Often it is our failures and not our successes that make us grow as people. Sure,you can replay her actions in your head continually, trying to divine some sort of meaning behind each one. You can attempt to find the definitive sign that you can act on, but there is none. Eventually you will have to step outside of your comfort zone.
I am not saying that she isn’t into you SS. She may well be. The only way to know for sure is to ask her. It is entirely possible that you could be misinterpreting all of those secret signs. She just might smile a lot because she is a happy and positive person. If you were reading her right, now you can start exploring a relationship together! And if you are reading her wrong, at least now you know that secret signs are not the most reliable indicators of attraction.
How Do I Decide Which Potential Relationship Will Be The Best One For Me?
“Not too long ago I met someone and we really hit it off, after a few good dates I felt that we were starting something pretty amazing. What makes this complicated is that I have now met a second person that I also have strong chemistry with as well! I never meet anyone and now there are suddenly two people in my life. I am torn between two and don’t want to make the wrong decision. How do I know which one is the right one for me?”–Torn Between Two
While this is a fairly common situation that you find yourself in TBT, I am about to offer a somewhat uncommon solution to it: Who says you have to chose one over the other? Despite what Hollywood and traditional media tells us about finding our perfect soulmate and casting all others aside, the truth is that there are many other relationship style options out there. I happen to be a proud poly advocate.
As long as both of the people you are currently seeing are informed and consent to it, continuing to see them at the same time for as long as it works out is a perfectly viable alternative to choosing one over the other. You may find in time that your relationship with one grows stronger while the other moves on for whatever reason. You may find that both relationships are healthy and flourish for years to come. Who knows? But there certainly are options other than picking one, rejecting the other and hoping that you made “The Right Choice.”
And if neither of them are okay with poly and request that you pick one over the other, that is valid too…as long as that feels right to you in your heart. The truth is that no one person out there is your 100% perfect match. We find someone that is a nice solid 70 to 90 percent and compromise on the rest, telling ourselves “close enough.” The concept of polyamory is that one can get much closer to having 100% of your needs met–you just don’t expect that all from one person.
Love is an infinite rather than finite resource, and love for one person doesn’t somehow mean less love for another. As long as you can successfully figure out scheduling and are effective and honest with your communication, polyamory is a very viable option over only picking one person and sending the other person packing.