I Have No Time For Jealousy
Sharing, so they say, is caring. And I happen to be very very good at sharing. I always have. It just comes naturally. I watch other people wracked with jealousy and possessiveness, checking their partner’s phones, obsessively keeping tabs on their every action, melting down whenever their eyeballs happen to graze longingly upon someone else and am baffled. It just never made any sense to me.
Jealousy is a toxic poison that contaminates everything it touches. It is corrosive and destructive and pointless. If your partner wants to check someone else out or cheat on you, they are going to do it; no matter how much you comb through their emails there is nothing you can do about it. In fact, creating an atmosphere of constant monitoring and suspicion is probably going to encourage them–if you are continually being accused of something you might as well just go ahead and do it.
Enter Archie and His Girls
As for me, I have been into the idea of sharing since I first picked up an Archie comic at the tender age of 8. Yes, that’s right. Archie comics made me poly. Oh, I am sure that they don’t want to admit that polygamy is one of the main theme of their comics. But it is pretty undeniable. Don’t believe me? How do you explain THIS?
That’s right. Good old Archie was poly as fuck. And I loved it. It made perfect sense to my young mind. My eager eight year old fingers would turn the pages, following the adventures of Archie and his two ladies. Oh, sure, supposedly Betty and Veronica fought over him…on the surface. But I chose to look deeper at the situation.
Even as a child, it was obvious to me that he was dating both girls and never was going to chose one over the other. It “clicked” with me on a deep level and made me crave my own Archie situation where I could share my man with another woman. Even better if it was a bisexual woman that was into me as well. Because come on now. The idea of a man that was enough of a rock star to pull off a girl on each arm was catnip to me.
Before I even knew the proper labels for it I was living a polyamorous lifestyle. From the beginning I just fell naturally into open relationships as I was not ever burdened by the jealousy that seemed to be inherent to my friend’s dating lives. They suffered so, breaking up bitterly over a thousand imagined slights. Not me. I wanted to share. I wanted a tribe, family and a broader support structure than just one person–whose genitals I had in possessive lockdown. Even as a teenager, poly made perfect sense to me.
Relationships are Hard!
I am not saying poly is easy, but then again no relationships are easy. Monogamous, polyamorous or swinging, all relationships will have their own natural shelf life. Is a polyamorous relationship that lasts 9 years somehow less successful than a monogamous relationship that lasted 5? I don’t think so.
At this point, I have been in a number of triad relationships. They were beautiful while they lasted and just because they no longer exist now, it doesn’t mean that they were somehow failures. I will always cherish the good memories we had and chose not to obsess on the bad parts. It is what it is, and every relationship is a growing experience that adds to you as a person.
Will I ever find the perfect man and woman to share my life with? Will that working triad come about? I don’t know. But I know what feels right to me, and I know what I want. And I can thank Archie comics for showing me that path at an early age. Bless his open minded heart.