Feeling sexy and desirable feels good. For many people, “desirable” and “sexy” is territory that women get to hang out in far more than men. You only have to walk into any store to see the great variety of style and color that women get to play with in terms of clothing, hair, and makeup. Some men see all that fun variety and want to play too. And who could blame them? Getting dressed up can be very thrilling.
Today’s Dirty Talk Advice column tackles the topic of cross dressing, forced feminization, and sissy training. While a dress can be very fun to hang out in, when it comes to adding one to a relationship, communication and discussion is usually required. Let’s look at some of the gender bending dilemmas that our readers have.
I’m Not Comfortable With My Boyfriend’s Forced Feminization Fetish.
“I am in a committed relationship with my boyfriend of over a year who enjoys sexual humiliation and being submissive. I have always been supportive of him in this even though I don’t necessarily understand the desire to be humiliated. Recently I accidentally stumbled upon some online purchases he had made of women’s clothing, makeup and wigs. I was shocked and asked him about it.
He explained to me that this was because he finds forced feminization erotic. This is the first time I’ve heard of forced feminization and I’m honestly clueless about it.
I’ve told him that I am not comfortable engaging in this with him at the moment and I don’t know if I ever will be. It is not something I personally find erotic. I want him to have a fulfilling sex life but how do we move forward with this considering our differing views on this fetish?–Pass On Forced Femme”
You sound like a committed and level headed partner POFF, even when it comes to things that are not personally your kink. Kudos on that. This is a goal people should aspire to more often. This mindset is going to be needed for your particular situation. You are at a cross roads in your relationship and some sort of resolution is needed.
What is very clear is that you consider your relationship to be something that you are invested in and dedicated to, while at the same time the two of you seem to have some sexual incompatibility. You are accepting of his more submissive wiring and desire to be sexually humiliated, even if that isn’t necessarily your kink. So far so good. You have the ability to be accommodating. It sounds like finding out about the forced feminization was one kink too far.
By all means, do some research into the topic of forced feminization so you have a better idea of what it entails. In general, it means dressing up as a woman, using wigs and makeup and acting in a hyper feminine manner. While your boyfriend’s individual interpretation of this kink may vary, that’s the overall gist of it. If you were to draw a Venn diagram, there is a large crossover for people that prefer forced feminization with their sexual submission and humiliation. It is very common to have this overlap.
Forced feminization is a pretty bone-deep kink. It tends to be with someone their whole life, even if they may go years without acting upon it. Your boyfriend is most likely always going to enjoy putting on a dress and being humiliated while acting submissive. Your boyfriend’s love of forced feminization is not going to vanish, even if it is not something you are comfortable with.
The question that remains is “Are you comfortable with this aspect of his sexuality even if it is not personally your thing?” Only you can answer that one POFF. It sounds like your boyfriend may have already been aware of your hesitance on this particular kink since he revealed the submission and humiliation but not the forced feminization.
You seem dedicated to your relationship and you seem pretty understanding. Can you accept your submissive cross-dressing partner who gets off on humiliation? Can he accept being in a relationship with you when the two of you have some incompatible sexual wiring? Incompatible sexual wiring does not have to be the death of a relationship, it just means that there needs to be more communication to make sure that all parties are getting their needs met.
Sit down with him and have an open and honest conversation. Do not shame or judge him for his kinks. Be honest about the fact that the two of you do not share all of the same sexual proclivities and see if there is a way for the two of you to still have a mutually satisfying sex life. I am rooting for you but be aware that this can be a messy conversation. Unsatisfying or incompatible sex lives are often the dry rot that causes relationships to begin crumbling. Best of luck! You already have the tools to do this. This puts you further ahead than many that contact me seeking advice.
I’m Scared To Come Out As A Crossdresser.
“For my entire life, I have enjoyed cross dressing. I love the way I look and can spend hours dressing up. It is also my dirty little secret. I have never be able to tell any of my girlfriends that I cross dress. I am scared that they would freak out. But I also can’t stop my secret dressing up. What do I do?”–Secret Cross Dresser
I have always found that honesty is the easiest path for me SCD. There are most certainly women out there that would love to have a cross-dressing boyfriend. Myself Included! I love seeing a man in a dress rocking some nice fishnets or stockings and sexy heels. I find it very thrilling. And I am certainly not the only woman out there. We exist. You just have to put in the legwork to find us.
The truth is, most of dating involves rejection. People go on date after date trying to find someone that they are compatible with. This is not an easy search, we can spend a lifetime doing it. Most of those dates do not work out for one reason or another and that is nobody’s fault. We are all puzzle pieces seeking to find someone whose pieces mesh with ours. It sounds like in your case, one of your biggest pieces is a love of cross-dressing. That love is not going to go away, no matter how much you try and hide it in the closet.
If dressing up is something that is important to you, you shouldn’t give it up. In fact you should embrace it as a beautiful aspect of yourself. If you view cross dressing as a “dirty little secret” you are not giving yourself permission to be your true self. You are viewing something that brings you pleasure and joy as something filthy. If you approach a potential partner with this fetish while still maintaining the mindset that it is something loathsome about you, they will respond in kind. Own your sexy awesome!
There are groups and clubs and discussion boards and meet ups for men that enjoy cross dressing. And not all of those men are single. Some of them are happily married or dating. Reach out to others that are wired like you. Nobody wants to feel alone. Talking to other people that have the same wiring can be very helpful.
Rather than starting a relationship with a woman without disclosing your proclivities and then spending the entire relationship hiding such an important piece of yourself, you are much better off disclosing such things right out of the gate. Will some people freak out? Will some people reject you? Certainly. But think about how much time you have saved both yourself and the other person. Much better to find out right away that they are uncomfortable with cross-dressing then invest 6 months to a year of your life and then find out that is something that they loathe. By being honest with your desires and inclinations from the very beginning, you increase your chances of finding someone who accepts you for who you are, dresses and all. And if they cannot accept you and your dresses? Then they are not worth the investment of your valuable time.
Your time is the most valuable and precious commodity that you have. Invest it wisely. Spend it with people that accept the true and honest you. Not a hidden half version with “dirty little secrets”.
Where Can I Find Someone To Help With My Sissy Training?
“As a hardcore Sissy slut, I am seeking training. Which seems impossible! No woman is interested in a Sissy. Whenever I ask a woman for training, she either ignores me or asks for money. Why is it so hard to get a trainer? I feel like I will be looking forever!”–Sad Sissy Seeking Slut Trainer
While I cannot see the ways in which you are approaching potential trainers SSST, I can guess based on the messages that I receive from sissies. The common denominator I get is sissies that approach me fetish first. Their messages are full to bursting with all of their desires and needs, without taking the time to get to know ME as a person. Such an approach makes a woman feel like an interchangeable fetish dispenser. When the approach comes across as if anyone will do, as long as they are willing to do the fetish at you, you can’t be surprised at your low success rate. Few people enjoy feeling like an interchangeable fetish dispenser.
You know what your needs and desires are. That’s great! That’s a start. A lot of people will never really get to this point. However,what you are asking for is another person to engage in your inclinations with you. What does the other person get out of it? What is in it for them? A relationship requires two people both getting most of their needs met in order for it to be a sustainable relationship. A relationship that is one-sided,all about one person’s needs and none of the other’s, is not a relationship that has much longevity.
If you start out your interactions as a sissy looking for training, you are not going to have a lot of luck. If you start out your interactions as a human looking to get to know another human before you bring your desire for training up, you are going to have much more success. Sometimes it takes months if not years of getting to know a person before sexy time can happen.
It is not impossible to find a sissy trainer, I know many. But they are in relationships that are mutually beneficial for both parties. Their sissies did not approach them waving around a long list of “do this to me” requests. They got to know their partners as a whole person, their likes and dislikes, their favorite foods and music, and the things that make them laugh. They were interested in them as more than just a sexy sissy trainer dishing out dresses and pegging parties.
If you approach a potential trainer fetish first you are going to have a very low success rate. You are going to be lost in the sea of other men approaching her fetish first and ignoring the rest of the person. Women get a lot of sexual offers without anything else on the table. After a while, the offers start to blend together like a white noise machine.
Not everyone is willing to invest the time needed to kindle a relationship. If it is really important for you to find a trainer and you feel like you don’t have time to invest in relationships that may not end up with you getting your sissy needs met, there is nothing wrong with going to a professional. That is what they are there for. They enable you to enjoy some fun sissy headspace without all the other stuff that comes with a relationship. Think of it as a temporary solution while you search for the trainer of your dreams.