My Continuing Adventures With The TSA: aka The Cane Didn’t Make It

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Recently I got back from a lovely weekend up in Portland, seeing some old friends, teaching some sex ed classes and getting my ass handed to me on a platter for Paintoy. All in all, a delightful time.

The Gift

While I was up there visiting one of my friends, they gifted me with a metal cane they had brought back from Boundcon in Germany. “You want a cane?” he asked. “It is a really good cane, it just doesn’t work for filming. It is too thin to see well on camera and it doesn’t make very much noise when used.”

I hefted the cane. It was beautiful and well designed, but I could see how it would work poorly for camera purposes. It was thinner than a car radio antenna and practically silent when I gave it a test swing. “Sure,” I said. “I’ll take it.” I put it in the trunk of my rental car and forgot about it for the rest of my trip.

Travel With A Large Metal Rod

It wasn’t until I was returning my rental car that I remembered the cane. In attempting to fit the cane into my suitcase, I rather quickly came across a problem–no matter which way I tried to angle the cane, a good 4 inches stuck out of the top of the suitcase. It was a math problem I just couldn’t solve. Eventually I gave up and zipped it in as best I could as I had a plane to catch and the car rental attendant was starting to give me the stink eye for holding up the return line.

Airport TravelIt was when I was attempting to check my larger bag with the jutting metal cane that I ran into my second problem. “How important is this to you?” the clerk at the counter asked, tapping his fingers on the part of the cane sticking out. “Because I can guarantee that it is going to get destroyed.”

My heart sank. There was no way I was going to be allowed to switch the cane over to my smaller carry-on bag…walking into a plane wielding a two foot metal whip would go over as well as a lead balloon. In desperation I asked the attendant “Do you want a cane? It is from Germany. Really well made too.”

He looked at me blankly. “I have no idea what that is.”

“It’s a cane. You know, BDSM?”

“Never heard of that.” he replied.

I was stumped. Never heard of BDSM?? Seriously??! But I am not a quitter and gave one last try at communication, throwing out “50 shades of grey?”

The Kinkiest Girl At The Airport

Evidently that was the magic phrase, as his face lit up on the spot and he exclaimed “Oh! Marcy!”

As it turns out, this Marcy was only one booth over and came over to see what has happening. I guess Marcy was the Southwest employee that was out of the kinky closet and gave no fucks who knew. “Would you like a cane?” I asked Marcy. “It is from Germany and I don’t want to give it up, but there is no way I can get it on the plane. It is yours if you want it.”

Her eyes lit up. “Sure!” she said, reaching for it eagerly. I am sure she didn’t start out her day thinking she was going to be adding to her hitty implements collection, but you never know what you are going to run into in the course of business at an airport.

I turned the cane over with some reluctance, but at least I knew it was going to a good home. Bless Marcy for being out and proud about her proclivities…it got her a very high quality cane from halfway across the world. I hope she uses it on the regular. The moment was brief, and then I was on my way, as I had a plane to catch, but as I worked my way through the security line I wouldn’t help but wonder what else airline employees get gifted with in the course of their day…their houses must be very interesting indeed.

I still can’t believe I live in a world where “50 shades of grey” is more easily grasped then “BDSM” tho…


Keep it Kinky My Friends,

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Tia FanningDickThrobbingDave Recent comment authors
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Pretty funny story. It is nice that it found a new home where it will be welcome. As an aside about what TSA folks have outside work. I just returned to Boston from a trip and got out of the city to where my car was parked. A TSA guy was on the express bus (a lot of them commute in this way) and as we walked to our vehicles we chatted and he hopped into a 2017 Dodge Challenger with the new 435 hp 392 CI hemi; about 65K. Guess they do okay somehow. Keep up the good work.… Read more »


Hmmm, walking with a limp or pretending to be blind might have helped persuade the TSA to let you board the plane with it.


Tia Fanning
Tia Fanning

Hilarious! I loved this story! <3 Sorry about the loss of your cane, though.