It is human nature, really. We love to idolize. We are so quick to hero worship, popping people up on pedestals at the slightest notice. The only thing we like more then elevating people is knocking them right back down.
When you first enter the Lifestyle, you will notice the “leaders” right away. People defer to them, they are seen everywhere, doing all the things, people hang on their every word, words that seem to carry more weight then the average kinkster’s words or thoughts. Look at their high status and how respected they are! Clearly these are people to idolize!
Yeah, I am going to call bullshit on that.
Let me tell you a little story about a “Community Leader” I met in my first few months of entering the Lifestyle.
He had written a book over twenty years ago and was still coasting on that fact. He was seen everywhere, he had opinions, ever so many opinions, that he would gladly share with you at length and in great detail. Here was a “Community Leader” in all it’s splendor.
When he focused on little ol me, I was both honored and humbled. What did this great Community Leader want with me?! He kept invited me out to lunches, ostensibly to lay on me all this great wisdom and knowledge he had at his disposal, but I couldn’t help but notice he wasn’t really giving me advice so much as talking about himself. Then he brought up mentoring me. How flattering such a Community Leader wanted to mentor me! What a great honor. Except I had not been looking for a mentor nor asked for one.
I made it to the 3rd lunch with this great leader, lunches he kept arranging and setting up. He seemed very eager to be a part of my life. It was on the third date he said “Well, I have a fetish for intelligence. You are very intelligent, it was how you made it to a third date.”
A date? Say what? He had never mentioned these lunches as being dates, not once. The only reason I had been showing up for them was because of how insistent he was in arranging them. My knuckle whitened on my fork as I sat there looking at a man with a good 30 years on me, a man who knew I was already in a relationship, a man so determined to set up repeated lunches and offer his…um…mentoring to me, and I saw no Community Leader.
I just saw a man. A man like any other. Human. Not special or worthy of some sort of elevation. I got through the lunch as politely as possible and then never spoke to him again.
Are there Community Leaders out there that sacrifice much and ask for little, that put their time and energy on the line, that are great examples to the rest of us? You bet your sweet ass there are. And they deserve our gratitude and appreciation. But just because someone has some higher visibility in our community does not mean their motives are somehow more pure. They are just as fallible as the rest of us. Be careful who you idolize, as idols can fumble…
Keep it kinky my friends,