Woodrocket articles and interviews

For the past 6 months I have been a regular columnist for Woodrocket.. Woodrocket has always been one of my favorite sites and I love their sense of humor and style, so writing with them was a natural fit. I figured it was high time to collect all of my articles in one place so that they could be easier to check out. Without any further ado, here you go:

My sex life requires a tractor

8 things that people don’t expect will happen in porn but totally will

Zombie gangbang

Rocco Siffredi. The Man. The Myth. The Magic.

Kicked out of the AVNs in under 2 hours

Odd Japanese fetishes

Steve Holmes and his massive mutant cock

Nina Hartley, the giant panda suit and me

Clown tickle takedown

I have also done some interviews with Woodrocket as well when I was at the AVNs that are available on Youtube, but I might as well add them in to this blog post. Enjoy!

Rocco Siffredi

How I got into the industry

Weirdest scenes

Picking porn names

What porn stars masturbate to




Twisted family trees and the fruit they bear

I was surprised when the phone rang. Nobody ever calls these days. A phone call means that something is wrong. I was even more surprised to see it was my father. My hermit, Lake Country dwelling, off the grid, no paved roads having, removed his mailbox and hid it in the bushes so that nobody could see his house numbers because he didn’t want to be disturbed father. If he was calling something was seriously wrong.

When I picked up the phone my father’s gruff pack of cigarettes day for 50 years straight voice barked out “Would you have any interest in saving the ancestral family home from being repossessed by the city of San Francisco?”

“I wasn’t even aware that we had an ancestral family home” I replied.

“That is a long story there” my father wheezed.

As it turns out, I had an 84 year old great uncle Jack I didn’t even know existed until that phone call. Uncle Jack had come to the attention of the authorities due to the fact that his neighbors had called the police. The neighbors had called the police because my 84 year old uncle was using a ladder to climb into the second story window of his house. The reason he was using a ladder to climb into the second story of his house was because he could not get his front door open. The reason he could not get his front door open is because he had not taken out the trash in over half a century.

Thus began my introduction to the world of hoarding. And Jack was truly an expert hoarder. If they gave out degrees for hoarding he would have a PhD. He took his hoarding so seriously that every single day he carefully swept his entire city block with a disintegrating broom, both sides, collecting everything into plastic bags and then bringing the bags into his house for safekeeping. It took him hours. He had built a wall against the world. A wall of trash. Actual trash, not metaphorical trash.

The root of Jack’s problems was that he never moved out of his mother’s house. And the more the years passed the harder it got for him to move out. Other than a brief stint in the navy that ended when he threatened a superior officer with a potato peeling knife his journeys were limited. He solidified into the safety and security of the walls of the house until leaving became impossible. He became a lifer, obsessively collecting things by mail order and focusing on his passions, which included drawing, books, collectible china plates and cross dressing. Once my great grandmother passed away, the collecting spiraled out of control.

By the time an intervention was staged, Jack was living in a two story 4 bedroom house that contained over 6 feet of trash in every single room and had no working electricity. He had not sat down in years, as all of the furniture in the house had long ago been buried under piles of drifting paper, letters and magazines. His bed was a nest of torn and used tissues out in the hallway as he had long ago lost access to his bed under hundreds of dime store pulp paperbacks. Cold San Francisco air blew in through the broken windows which he compensated for by wearing so many layers of clothing that he resembled the Michelin Man and he had worn his baseball cap for so long that his hair had grown right through the mesh. I had to use scissors to cut the hat off of his dreadlocked head. Nobody passing him on the street would of realized he was the owner of a million dollar house in San Francisco. Just don’t move out, get increasingly more eccentric and let the properties around you accumulate in value over the course of 60 years is not one of the standard paths to millions, but it had worked for Uncle Jack.

The deal we were given was that if we could get the house clean enough to not be rated as an environmental hazard, we would get to keep it. If not, the city took it over and institutionalized Jack, selling off the house for his upkeep. Jack was not delighted with either option he had and voted for option three “Everyone leave me the fuck alone.”

Option three was not picked up and the entire family showed up with shovels to excavate out his house. It would take weeks. None of us truly realized the magnitude of the task before us when we first got started. I didn’t even take into consideration the need for gloves until halfway through the first day when I was working in the kitchen and my hand plunged into a half buried plastic bag that turned out to contain a large collection of used dirty dildos slathered in Vaseline and…other things. Why men can be so resistant to cleaning their own sex toys or why the kitchen floor was a reasonable place for used dildos I do not know but it was gloves and a face mask from there on out.

By the end we ended up removing over 2 metric tons of trash, taking it out can by can down the old wooden stairs. We stood on the slippery and unsteady ground that was stacked up so high our heads brushed the ceiling and dug it out by the shovelful. My legs ached. My hair stunk. My lungs burned. The papers were stacked up in geological layers like sediment. At the top was the 2000s, then the 90s, 80s, 70s and 60s and some rare Life magazines at the bottom from the 1950s. The original hardwood floors under all the junk were actually in pristine condition as they had not seen sunlight in over half a century.

The house was a monument to Jack’s two great obsessions, collectibles and sex. Mail order collecting allowed him to gather possessions without having to leave the safety of his house and he focused mainly on china plates and large dolls. Not that he ever took the dolls and plates out of their shipping boxes or anything like that. He would gather a description of what was inside the box from the accompanying paperwork, write the description on the outside of the box in his unsteady handwriting and then stack the unopened box on top of all of the other unopened boxes. There were hundreds of them all throughout the house, creating walls up to the ceiling. It would of driven me crazy to not get to see what it was I was buying, but for Jack just having them in his possession was enough.

His other great love was women, but surprisingly enough women didn’t seem to find him super dateable and he remained a lifelong bachelor. In desperation for female companionship he turned to cross dressing, reasoning that if women didn’t want him he would just become his own damn woman. However, with a lack of women around his life to draw on for inspiration, he patterned himself after the only woman he really knew…his mother.

As a result, his cross dressing was all pantsuits and mumus and grey wigs and support hose and girdles. Even here his obsessive collecting was evident as he had to buy everything in triplicate or more and most of it was not opened. So it was not one package of thick support hose, it would be a box of them. Stacks of wigs. Cheap makeup. Dime store jewelry and pearls. He did not make a particularly sexy woman, judging from the various black and white snapshots of him in drag scattered throughout the mountains of papers drifting though the rooms and hallways. Why one needs to dress up at their dead mother and stick dildos up their ass is a desire I will never understand, but the more I got to know my family the more twisted I realized my family tree happened to be.

His sexual interests were more than just old lady drag however. This was before the advent of the internet, and there was once a thriving market for women to send letters to men and hit them up for money under the guise of “helping them out.” The women would send provocative photos and letters, but the underlying message in all of the letters was to ask for money. If you sent money, they wrote more letters and sent more photos. Lonely men could at least get the excitement of some attention and tell themselves that this damsel in distress was writing to them and them alone. The house was coated in hundreds of these letters and endless photos of squinty eyed women draped awkwardly over couches and cars. The internet destroyed this market and now it is just “hi sexxxyy, I am good women seeking strong honest man, my love calls for you” emails that pile up in my spam folder. I do not think I am the strong honest man that they seek.

8 millimeter porn films, nudist magazines featuring people distinctly under the age of 18, he had it all. This was a man that loved the sex, despite the fact that he had nobody to do it with other than himself. The house was a testament to how snarled up one could get into their own head if they had no real interaction with the outside world. It was just one big scrapbook of self obsession and masturbation.

The total clean up took over 2 weeks but it was the 4th day as my shovel slid through another pocket of old lady wigs that I was solidified my desire to never ever have children. There would be no fruit born off my particular branch of my gnarled family tree. We were riddled with blight and root rot. My DNA was not something that I would wish on anyone else. Someone had to draw the line somewhere, and I was taking a stand. My baby factory was shut down. At least I was not contributing to the problem.

My uncle did not survive the clean up. Stripped of his Michelin man layers and dreads and stacked possessions that were a wall against the outside world, he was like a premie without an adequate immune system. He shrunk and deflated before our eyes, withering away by the day. He lost the will to live without his trash walls to protect him and was dead in under six months. His tiny body in the coffin, so different from his angry ranting knife carrying ways when he was alive, was an empty shell. All the crazy had leaked out and all I felt was pity. Well, and gratitude that he was dead because he was a huge pain in the ass that kept threatening to kill us all and would smear shit on the door handles in an attempt to keep us from entering the house to clean. Seeing as he had no dog, there was only one way that he could have continued access to fresh feces, but it was not a line of reasoning that I really wanted to pursue. Thank god for rubber gloves.

I still have the photos of my dead great uncle preening about in mumus and practical shoes. I keep them as a memento of paths that I do not want to wander down. He remains as a signpost of poor life decisions that I am happy I did not make. Bless his broken crazy heart, he was not meant for the rigors of this world.



Loving London

The lovely London River entered the industry last year with the force of a nuclear bomb. I was the photographer for her first Insex shoot and first I didn’t think she was going to make it.

She showed up nervous and sweaty, as jittery as if she had slammed down 3 espressos in a row. I honestly had doubts she would get through the whole day. It was halfway through the second position, while she was folded in half like a pocketknife, that I saw her bloom and absolutely own her power. A star was born that day and we are all winners as a result.

I have watched her journey over the past year and I couldn’t be prouder of her. Today she models, she directs, she rigs, she is a photographer…she is the baddest of asses and the sweetest of hearts.

Recently I saw down to do an interview with her. If you want to get to know London River a bit more (and who wouldn’t?) check out the story of her journey here.

A picture is worth a thousand words

A picture is worth a thousand words, or so they say.

At least that was what I was thinking when I snapped a photo with my phone yesterday during a conversation. Rather than bother typing out “I am at Target getting cat food and bleach” to my texting buddy I thought I would just send a photo of the store to explain where I was. Save myself some time.

I stepped out of my car, fired off a quick pic of the outside of the Target where I was and then ducked back inside my car to send said photo.

I was not expecting the irate looking woman that came rushing up to my car but politely rolled down my window to see what was amiss. She seemed quite worked up.

“Are you taking photos of my daughter?” she demanded.

Out of anything that could have come out of her face, me being a sneaky parking lot pervert was not one I was expecting. I wanted to answer back “Yes, and I am going to run home and jack off to your kid right now.” just to highlight the ridiculousness of the situation, but I am working on practicing my diplomacy these days and I held back the snark.

I had no idea what she was talking about and told her as much. She pointed agitatedly at a car parked some 10 feet away. If I squinted really hard I could see a small white oval of a face in the backseat but that was about it. Hardly a fap worthy set up, even if I had been a pedophile.

I sat there looking at this worked up mama bear, and in the end I just felt sorry for her. Sorry that she lived in a world where she saw predators in every parking lot. Sorry that her world view actually factored in tall skinny blonde women that lurked around cars taking cell phone photos of blurs in distant vehicles so that they could run home and post said pics in a photo album to masturbate over. What would I have called such an album? “Blurs in far off cars”? Did she think there is an international pedo ring that swaps photos of kids in cars? “That looks like an underage eyebrow! I can hardly stand the excitement!!”

The ego to think her special snowflake of a child is so fap worthy that strangers are circling her vehicle in order to sneak shoot photos of it for future nefarious purposes was a bit off-putting but in the end I deleted the photo off of my phone in front of her because I just didn’t have the energy to battle the bear. She huffed off back to her car as I sat there in shock.

In no way am I saying don’t be vigilant with your children. Children are the most sacred responsibility a person will ever undertake. But seeing pedophiles behind every car creates alarmed and high strung children living in constant fear. And fear is not a good place to hang out in long term. It isn’t healthy.

I masturbate to many things. Children sitting in the backseats of distant cars is not one of them. And being accused of being the type of person that does fap over such things makes me not want to leave my house. Ordering off of Amazon is looking better and better these days, I am telling you…

My collected video work

I often get people that stumble across my website and are confused that it is mostly a blog with very few pictures and no videos.

“Hey Rain” they say to me, “Where is all of that porns that you do? Words are nice and all, but I would like to see some flesh pls.”

Fear not! You are just on the wrong site. Here is the link to my video work: http://raindegrey.net/

All the flesh one could crave with limited words. Happy perving my friends!

xoxo RDG

cheart_181 kryu_097 lriver3_120 rdegrey15_058 darling14_042

Classes taught and presenter bio

Class descriptions and presenter bio:

I have been presenting classes for 7 years now, and I realized that it was high time to have my presenter bio and all the classes I teach posted in one easy place. Please feel free to email me at rain@raindegrey.com with any questions.

Classes currently taught:

*Kink 101: Coming out of the kinky closet
*Strap on play/pegging
*Oral sex 101: Learn how to lick (male and female)
*Female Dominance
*Give up the bootie! Anal play
*Putting poly into practice
*Breath play

**Intro to kink 101: How to get your kink on**

Kink has never been more widely discussed as it is today and is finally coming out of the shadows. Curious if you might be kinky? Wonder what exactly being kinky entails? Not sure how one gets started or how to safely explore the lifestyle? Wonder no more!

Lifestyler and educator Rain DeGrey presents a comprehensive and wide ranging class that covers all aspects of how to safely enter the scene and explore your darker desires. From how to meet your fellow kinksters, finding play parties to safety protocols and tips, this class has it all. Presented in a fun low pressure way with a question and answer period, this is the perfect intro class for curious newbies. Come with an open mind, leave with all the info you need to get started on your kinky journey.

**Pegging for pleasure: The ins and outs of strap-on play**

Whether you are a pegging virgin or really love dishing it out but just want to pick up a few more pointers and improve your game, this is the class for you! Strap-on aficionado and expert Rain DeGrey covers all the bases when it comes to strapping one on. How to find the right harness for you and your particular pegging needs, toys and attachments such as feeldoes and and vibrators, the care and cleaning of your toys and harnesses, choosing the best lubes and toys for your play and how to properly prepare oneself for receiving anal strap-on play will all be covered, as well as large toy insertions.

Pegging and strap-on play can be either intense or pleasurable depending on how you want to play, hardcore oral strap-on play is presented with tips to safely play rough.

This class covers oral, vaginal and anal strap on play tips, and there is a question and answer period as well as live demos of all of the concepts presented in the class. This is a pansexual class open to all genders and orientations, everyone is welcome to come get out and get their learn on!

**Oral sex 101: Learn to lick**

Love downstairs action? Are you a fan of the oral but want to to increase your skill set? Or are you afraid you suck at sucking? This is the class for you, no matter what your experience level is! Rain DeGrey, fan of all things oral, proudly presents “Oral Sex 101: Learn how to lick.”

From tips and techniques, covering multiple positions as well as power dynamics, incorporating anal, safer sex techniques to conquering deep-throat, this class has it all. Both male and female oral sex techniques will be covered, and there will be live demos of the concepts presented. Come prepared to learn and increase your oral skills in a fun, non-threatening environment. This is a pansexual class open to all genders and orientations, everyone is welcome!

**Feminine Dominance: The Joy of Topping**

The strength and beauty of a confident woman in control is an inspiring sight to behold. Throughout the ages strong women have always had an irresistible allure. Are you curious about Topping but uncertain about how to get started? Or are you looking to brush up on your skills to create a memorable and sizzling scene for you and your partner? Rain DeGrey goes over the steps to unlock your inner Domme.

Class will cover negotiation, how to create a strong scene, and various types of play including humiliation, strap-on, CBT, bondage, cross-dressing and more. This class is designed with the beginner/novice in mind. Don’t be shy, learn to own your strong female self!

**Give up the bootie! Anal play 101**

Always wanted to incorporate anal play into your sex life but uncertain where to start? Done some exploring but(t) want to take it to the next level? This is the class for you! Anal fanatic Rain DeGrey will walk you through the steps to unlock the joys of ass play. From rimming, enemas, butt plugs, prostate massage, fisting to strap-on play, this class will cover it all. Safety and cleaning, trying to negotiate an anal scene with someone inexperienced and how to make it feel good as opposed to “ouch!” often make people shy away from anal. Learn how much fun anal can be when it is done right!

**Putting poly into practice: An intro to polyamory**

Practitioner and devoted poly advocate Rain DeGrey proudly presents “Putting poly into practice.” Whether you have had some prior experience with poly or are totally new and not sure how to get started down the path, this is the class for you! Poly IS both possible and profoundly rewarding, come learn how to implement it into your own life.

Topics covered will include communication, negotiation, processing jealousy and other common emotions, along with a wide range of other subjects. Uncertain how to tell your partner your proclivities? Not feeling that fabled compersion? Come with an open mind and plenty of questions. Class will include practical tips, ways to discuss stumbling blocks with your partners and a question and answer period.

**Breath play**

Breath play is a heavily stigmatized form of kinky/BDSM play. As a regular practitioner and advocate of demystification Rain DeGrey walks you through various forms of breath play that you can implement in your own life. Choking, HOM (hand over mouth), plastic bag play, hoods and waterboarding are all forms of breath play that can be explored in low risk ways.

This is a specialty class, please contact me for more details.


Rain DeGrey is an international educator, writer, presenter and performer that has been teaching kink and sex ed classes over the past half decade. After getting her start as a fetish model and Pro Domme, she was motivated to branch out into education, something she is extremely passionate about. She has taught at Kink.com, The Citadel, Pure Pleasures, Stormy Leather, Folsom Fringe, The Looking Glass, KinkAcadamy, PassionateU, Mission Control, Northwestern University and Boundcon in Germany on a wide variety on topics. Her work has been featured in such places as Playboy TV’s “69 sexiest things to do before you die”, Seattle Erotic Arts Festival, The SF Fetish Ball, Exotic Erotic, Rope::Burn, Kink-e-zine and Femina Potens “The Art of Restraint”. Demystifying sexuality and presenting in a clear and humorous way are trademarks of her teaching style and she believes strongly in making sex ed fun. For more info: Raindegrey.com, @raindegrey on Twitter, Raindegrey on Fetlife or email class inquiries at rain@raindegrey.com

RDG logo

Fetish photographer Charles Gatewood collection

When I began exploring the fetish/alternative scene, legendary photographer Charles Gatewood was one very first people I ran into. We struck up a friendship over the fact that he did a book with one of my favorite writers, Williams Burroughs, that lasted many years.

Due to this friendship, I actually ended up with a fairly large collection of Gatewood memorabilia, a collection that I am hoping to find a good home for. I have to move and am seeking to downsize the various things I have picked up over the years. With the recent passing of Charles, it struck me that there might be some fans that would like to start or add to their Gatewood collections.

I am posting photos of everything I have available, everything is personally signed by Gatewood. Please email me at rain@raindegrey.com and let me know what you are interested in. Make me an offer! Moving is hard enough as is, I would like these to go to a good home 🙂


Signed Gatewood book "Photographs"

Signed Gatewood book “Photographs”


Signed Gatewood book "Forbidden Photographs" with Spider Webb and his tattooed fetus on the cover

Signed Gatewood book “Forbidden Photographs” with Spider Webb and his tattooed fetus on the cover


Signed Gatewood book "Primitives"

Signed Gatewood book “Primitives”


Signed Gatewood book "True Blood"

Signed Gatewood book “True Blood”


Signed "True Blood" book

Signed “True Blood” book

Dec 2005 Skin and Ink featuring Gatewood covering NYC tattoo convention "Once we were outlaws"

Dec 2005 Skin and Ink featuring Gatewood covering NYC tattoo convention “Once we were outlaws”


Handwritten Gatewood story and photograph of Lord Balkin


Number 999 of limited 1000 copy original edition of Forbidden Photographs


Cover of original 1000 print run of Forbidden Photographs book


Original Gatewood print due during his blood period


Original Gatewood print of Annie Sprinkle and Fakir Musafar

Brand new Gatewood DVD "Messy Girls"

Brand new Gatewood DVD “Messy Girls”

Brand new Gatewood DVD "Shaved" with Clint Catalyst

Brand new Gatewood DVD “Shaved” with Clint Catalyst

Signed Charles Gatewood books Wall Street and Sidetripping with Williams Burroughs

Signed Charles Gatewood books Wall Street and Sidetripping with Williams Burroughs

4 signed original Charles Gatewood art works

4 signed original Charles Gatewood art works

Signed very rare Charles Gatewood cards

Signed very rare Charles Gatewood cards


Signed photso of Charles Gatewood with Annie Sprinkle and photos of Abbie Hoffman

Signed photso of Charles Gatewood with Annie Sprinkle and photos of Abbie Hoffman

Original artwork by Gatewood of Brion Gysin

Original artwork by Gatewood of Brion Gysin

5 copies of 1997 SF Weekly featuring Charles Gatewood blood period article

5 copies of 1997 SF Weekly featuring Charles Gatewood blood period article

2004 SF Weekly with article about Charles Gatewood's book Photography for Perverts

2004 SF Weekly with article about Charles Gatewood’s book Photography for Perverts

3 signed 1977 issues of The Flash including an issue on Marco Vassi

3 signed 1977 issues of The Flash including an issue on Marco Vassi

Gatewood signature on The Flash

Gatewood signature on The Flash

Not all men are assholes and not all women are bitches

One of the most common questions I get asked is really less of a question and more of an expression of frustrated bafflement. “What is WRONG with (insert opposite sex) and WHY are they all liars/hustlers/scammers/assholes/dishonest/bitches/stuckup etc etc??”

And while I understand just how frustrating being frustrated can be, this question isn’t really based on any sort of reality. Because math.

Yes, of course there are liars and scammers and assholes out there. In any gender. Of course. But when *every* single woman you run into is a lying scammer or *every* single man you run into is a dishonest asshole there is something more going on there.

It is not mathematically possible for every single woman on the planet to be a stuck up scammer bitch nor is it possible for every single man to be a lying asshole. And if that is all you ever happen to run into…well the one common denominator in all of your interactions with others is YOU. So what exactly is it that you are doing that is only attracting assholes into your life? Do you have an asshole magnet unwittingly duct taped to your forehead?

Of course this is hard for folks to hear. It is much more comforting to be a victim somehow constantly surrounded by dishonest scammers than to think that there might be something *you* are doing that is creating an environment that attracts nothing but lying assholes. That is a hard pill for anyone to swallow. So people keep on doing the exact same things while expecting different results and being miserable at the inevitable outcome.

Is there a magical solution I can give you to fix this situation? Of course not. I do not know what it is exactly that you are doing, what sort of energy you are putting out that is attracting such undesirable people around you. Only you can answer that one. And I truly honestly hope that you get to a point in your life where you figure out the answer to that question. I really do. But the next time you find yourself griping about how all men are assholes or all women are bitches, check yourself. Because math.

Love as always,

Boundcon 2016

Boundcon is an international fetish and bondage event that has been running for the past 12 years and is currently being held in Munich. For the last 3 years I have have the pleasure of attending as one of the guests of honor and getting to perform with all of my fellow bondage lovers. Most of us live pretty far apart and Boundcon is one of the few times that I get to meet in person all of the people whose work I have enjoyed over the years.

This Boundcon was the best one yet, as Insex and Boundcon finally managed to meet up and work together after many years of negotiating and trying to make schedules work. The meeting of these kinky minds made for some serious bondage magic happening and I just wanted to share some photos of the event. I also got to hand out some new stickers and cards I had made up that I am quite pleased with. Hope to see you all there next year!




Dee Williams tied to London River as Matt Williams and I love life

Dee Williams tied to London River as Matt Williams and I love life


boundcon 2016 cat

The kitty approves on her Boundcon shirt

boundcon pt 15

Dee Williams and I share a moment (C) PhareaNutello

My snazzy new stickers and business cards made by TCR

My snazzy new stickers and business cards made by TCR

boundcon pt 9

Matt Williams and OT tie Dee Williams and I

boundcon 2016

Dee Williams and I bound for trouble as Matt Williams and OT from Insex supervise

Dee Williams and I in a stappado

Dee Williams and I in a stappado

Dee Williams tied at Boundcon

Dee Williams tied at Boundcon

The truth about sex

When we first get here, when we first arrive on this planet, we have no guilt or body shame. All of that comes later. Everything about us is acceptable and adorable and there is no shame in our naked bodies. We have to be trained into body shame, into the idea of “naughty zones” and “special” places, the “no touch” zone that must be kept covered and shielded from public gaze. We have to be housebroken and toilet trained, instilled with such deep fear and anxiety about bodily functions that the need to pee can wake us up out of a sound sleep. We have to be loaded up with all of the fear and anxiety and shame that civilization say that we need to function as “polite” society.

And yes, if we didn’t housebreak and shame children they would be running around rubbing their crotches and pooping in the hallway. Obviously there is a need to not have that happen. If only because random hallway pooping is hard on the carpet and reckless crotch rubbing leaves fluids everywhere. But the guilt and fear and shame around bodily functions lingers for the rest of that child’s life.

We are trained to be ashamed of our naked bodies, to feel self conscious of all the adult flaws that come out of that perfect child’s body. It becomes taboo to touch and be touched, the ease and comfort of a snuggling child turns into the personal space bubble of adulthood. But deep inside we still crave the freedom of youth before we were molded into shame. The ability to touch and be touched by others with no baggage is something we never stop wanting.

When we grow up, this desire for touch and intimacy can be met by sex, as sex is one of the most intimate things you can share with another human being, but all too often our baggage and shame and fear gets in the way of that. Sex is like a bodily function that needs to be kept away from polite society, something done behind closed doors and not talked about. The NEED for sex, like the need to relieve oneself, is a lower animal urge that we should do but never discuss.

Because sex is scary and terrifying and completely undignified. Have you *seen* yourself? You look bloody ridiculous. Red faced and sweaty and straining with a look on your face like you are sucking on a lemon. There is no dignity to be had in sex. And that is kind of the point. There is nothing erotic that isn’t, with the wrong person, completely revolting. But with the right person, at the right time, completely revealing your naked body with all of its flaws and imperfections and various fluids and smells leaking all over the place and mashing that body firmly against another human’s skin only feels like utter acceptance.

Sex is incredible because of the closeness it allows and the freedom it offers. Day to day life requires us to constantly be suppressing our urges and desires, to always be wearing a mask of civilization and self restraint, to stifle our lusts and darker urges. The bliss of sex is to be allowed to drop that mask and reveal our true natures to our partners, undignified animal urges and all, without fear of judgement.

The bond of togetherness grows deeper the more honest and truthful we can be with our partners…but it can also be terrifying to be that vulnerable to another human being. We struggle against the desire for closeness and acceptance and the fear of rejection and dismissal. To ask for sex is to ask another person to be naked and exposed to you, and to be rejected on such a request stings you to your very core.

It isn’t easy. I am not saying it is. The quest for acceptance and an end to loneliness is one of the hardest tasks you will ever undertake. But when you find that other person, that person that sets you at ease and accepts you and your flawed mind and body, it is fucking magic. That person that you can relax around and drop the socially approved mask? That person is a treasure. Hold onto them tight. Someone like that doesn’t come along every day.