When I was eight years old my mother found me in front of the linen closet at around midnight removing a pillow case from one of the higher shelves.
“Now Rain,” she said “What are you doing getting another pillow case? You already have one on your pillow. It is very late. You should be asleep!”
I looked up at her with my big blue eyes and replied, “I am getting a pillowcase to put over my head so that I can imagine that the bad men have kidnapped me.”
That’s right. I was live acting out abduction fantasies at the age of eight. Don’t judge. My mother, bless her hippie heart, didn’t judge either. “Ok Rain, we can go back to bed, you can put the pillowcase over your head and then you can tell me what happens.” My mother has always been very new age and accepting. I am sure she thought me talking it over would be very therapeutic. We walked back to my bedroom, I put the pillowcase over my head, my mother sat on the edge of the bed and I tried to say out loud what I had been thinking before I had been so rudely interrupted.
And a very interesting thing happened. It was no longer fun.Instead, it was bloody terrifying. Even though I knew it was only my mother at the end of the bed and not some scary bad guy, all the excitement had fled. It was just frightening. This was my very first realization of a sad truth: Fantasy is always better then reality.
In Fantasyland, nobody has bad breath or zits. There are no awkward pauses and everyone always says the right thing at the right time. Everything is in soft focus and smells amazing. I honestly hope you never get a fantasy fulfilled. Because I can guarantee you that it is not going to live up to what you are carrying around in your head.
Don’t believe me? Let me lay on you the story of the time that I was finally going to get that abduction fantasy that I had been dreaming of since I was eight. My Dom at the time knew just how much I had been fantasizing about it and finally decided to put it into action. He “abducted” me while wearing too short camouflage shorts with his long skinny legs sticking out like stork legs. It wasn’t how I had always dreamed it would be, but I can be flexible. We were going to make this work. He handcuffed me, wrapped up my mouth hole securely with a duct tape gag and we were off to a secret location for all sorts of deviant activities.
Except there was not enough room in the trunk to shove me into, so he had to put me in the passenger seat. It was ok. No worries. We could make this work. He thoughtfully seat belted in my handcuffed ass, as my hands were not good for the buckling, and then we were off to the abduction!
There were a fair of red lights on the way, and at one of the stops a man walked by in the crosswalk, made full eye contact with my duct taped and handcuffed ass less then 3 feet from him before picking up his pace and hurrying away, head down. Well. Reassuring to know if I was really being abducted that the world is full of good samaritans willing to get involved. I was already feeling any tingle of excitement of this scenario slowly deflating like an old ballon.
And then a few blocks later the car ran over a nail and got a flat tire.
My would be abductor had to get out of the car in his ridiculous shorts, attempting to change the tire as I languished in the passenger seat in my handcuffs and duct tape. It was, to put it mildly, a complete boner killer. The abduction was called off and I never attempted another one.
So, I repeat, I hope you never get your fantasies fulfilled. Whatever you are carrying in your head is not going to work out. Trust me. It is going to be inevitably disappointing in some way. Instead, enjoy and revel in the moment of what is happening directly in front of you. It doesn’t matter if they are not airbrushed and there are some awkward pauses, it will still be fun, and more importantly, real. Leave those fantasies in your noggin where they belong, where cars never get flat tires and abductors always wear long black pants.