Earning it

We all have things we want. Desire is the driving force of human beings. I am full of desire myself. There are countless things that I want and crave. But here is the thing: I am not entitled to them. I am honestly entitled to very little in this life.

I am basically entitled to not have others touch me if I do not wish to be touched by them. My body is my own domain. I am not entitled to much else. (there are some people out there that do not agree with this concept. I wish to stab such people with a rusty fork)

I am not entitled to a job.
I am not entitled to sex with others.
I am not entitled to anyone else’s time, energy or attention.
All those things are delightful to have, but they are not *guaranteed.*

I have to EARN those things. I earn them by being polite, engaging, fun, respectful and a desirable person to spend time with. The less I am an asshole the more it seems that other people want to interact with me.

It is no guarantee, of course. I would like to get everything I want from others at all times. I would like bucketloads of respect and admiration and every single person I ever meet thinking I am so fabulous that I sweat glitter. Who wouldn’t?

But that isn’t how it works. Not matter how awesome I might try and be, not everyone in the world will like my particular flavor. And not every single people in the world that I want to have sex with will throw their genitals at me in awe at my sexiness.

And that is ok. I accept that. I have found out that the nicer and more respectful I am to other people the more that they do the same to me. You get in what you put out. I am paying forward the energy I wish to get from others. It doesn’t always work, but it is a darn sight better than being a miserable toxic negative person. Festering in a negative stew has always felt pretty shitty me.

People also have the right to change their mind about your flavor at any time. It is called free will. Sometimes someone that thought I was awesome stops thinking so. I also accept that. It might make me sad, but I accept it. I can’t expect that just because something was one way at one point it will always be like that. That isn’t how life works.

Me? I am just going to sit here and work on being less of an asshole. I am a work in progress. I have good days and bad days. Like we all do. But I never give up.

The secret of the dick

At this point in my life, I can safely say I have been around some dick in my day. One might go so far as to say that I am a bit of a cock wrangler. As in, I know me some dick. And today I am going to impart some cock knowledge upon you. The big one. The one that everyone stresses about. Are you ready? Here goes:

**Dicks are not light switches. They do not have only two modes, off and on.**

But people seem to think that that is the only two ways that cock comes. Hard or soft. On or off. Ready or offline. And the trauma if you want it hard and it does not cooperate? The horror. The misery.

I actually feel sorry for guys. On the whole, they are so dick centric that it is cock or GTFO. Dick dick dick and nothing else. Me? Just about everything makes me cum. My whole body is a sexual smorgasbord. I have cum from having my toes sucked on, fisting someone’s ass, getting my hipbone licked, getting my calves caned, watching other people fuck…the world is my sexual oyster. Men? If the dick isn’t in the “on” position they don’t seem to know what to do with themselves.

Folks? It isn’t all about the dick. The dick has a mind of its own. You can not control the dick. It will be hard, soft, semi, working, ignoring you, hard as a rock in front of your grandma at Christmas and squishy pudding in front of that hot girl that you crave sawing in half with your cock. It is not to be counted on.

But men can’t talk about these things. As far as they can tell, they are the only ones with a dick that they can’t control. Every other male out there is just a rampant battering ram that is busy tattooing his initials on every available cervix.

Us women? We know better. We are the ones hanging out with the cock, we know how it goes. We don’t stress on dick half as much as men do. I have seen dick in all of its states. And I love it every which way. If you are not presenting as a battle ax ready to do some serious damage, you have fingers, tongues and best of all, your mind. Get creative! Free yourself from the limits of the cock box. There is more to you than just a dick.

And while none of us can control the dick, women can help. My biggest secret is using one of my hands to form an impromptu cock ring at the base of the dick to help trap blood while giving a blowjob. If he is semi, see if you two can’t get it harder. If it is hard and fades, get that mouth and hands to work. And if the dick takes a vacation and is unavailable, don’t stress on it. Lord knows I don’t. If we aren’t banging today, we will probably be banging tomorrow. And as it is, I am naked and hanging out with someone I like. That isn’t a bad way to spend the day, no matter what happens…

Soft, hard and everything in between

Soft, hard and everything in between

Thirsty fucks

Of COURSE women want the sex. Of course of course. Mad passionate fierce pulse pounding sex. Epic earth shattering sex. Sweaty messy undignified fucking. We love all those things just as much as men do.

So why does the dance always seem like it is the men doing all the asking and the women doing all the rejecting?

Because women have a lot more to lose. It really is as simple as that. They are putting a lot more on the table.

*Women are at a higher risk of STIs (the receiving partner in any encounter always is)
*Women are the ones that carry the burden of possible pregnancy, not men.
*And women tend to have up to a half a foot and a 100 pound weight disadvantage on men. In any encounter, if the other person has a 100 pounds on you, you will be erring on the side of caution.
*I am not even going to get started on the societal shaming if a woman has a healthy sex drive.

If men were the ones that got knocked up, had their junk go all spotty and drippy and every time they turned on the news another male body had been found dumped dead in a field, they might not be always charging around, penis blazing, seeking wet holes.

But that isn’t how life is. Women are the ones that have to deal with those cards. Not men. So we go slow. We take our time. We do not rush. What do we have to gain by rushing into things? Not much, to be perfectly honest. We take our time to see if what it is you are proposing is worth the possible risk.

And you know what? If we decide what you are offering isn’t worth the risk, we pass and move on. You are peddling a product in a flooded market. There is a ton of dick out there. High risk and low reward dick. Your dick is the 10th one we have been offered today. And there will be another one hopefully poking about right behind it.

So how do you make *YOUR* dick stand out from the crowd?

Here is a crazy thought: How about treating her as a human being as opposed to just a wet receiving hole?

When you take the time to get to know her, make her comfortable, see what makes her tick, all those walls come down. And once those protective walls are down, the holes are yours. By all means, make her your groveling 3 holes cum dump (if that is what you have both consented to)

But you have to earn the right to those holes. If all you are doing if popping up with a “here is a dick” offer, you are not standing out in the flooded cock market. And your odds are pretty damn low. And then sometimes men get bitter and pissy that their needs are not getting met and they flounce about crankily muttering about how women are all stuck up prudes that just need to relax a little and have some fun for once.

Dude. You are cock blocking your own damn selves sometimes. Come on now.

Put in your time, you get the pussy. Don’t put in the time, much less pussy. It is that simple. Good luck on your journey!


How DO you do it??

Of all the emails I get, one of the most common ones goes along the lines of “How do you do it? You are in such good shape and so flexible! (I am not. I have a completely fused spinal cord. But that is a different story.) What is your secret??

As if I have discovered a secret magic path of being in shape and flexible. Well, I am about to show you the way! The secret will be revealed! Behold. You can now throw every diet book away. Just follow the (not) patented Rain DeGrey way to a toned midsection. Are you ready? Here goes nothing:

Eat right and exercise.

Yup. That is it. I work out every single day and watch what I eat. That is my sole secret.

Does working out daily and living on rice sound dreadful and not worth the effort? Perhaps to some. But the funny thing is that the better I take care of myself the better I feel. It becomes self reinforcing. The more I take my vitamins, eat organic everything and get my stretching in, the better my body feels and the more I want to take care of it.

Your body is the only one you have. Unlike cars, you don’t get to do a trade in and upgrade to a newer model. When I don’t work out and eat like shit, I feel like shit. It is that simple. I am highly motivated to take care of the vehicle that I will be stuck in until the day I shuffle off this mortal coil.

Plus. Abs!

Follow my not trademarked secret and who knows? You just might find yourself with more energy, a smaller clothing size and a happier body. Give it a try :)

As always,



Zombie gangbang

They are coming for you...

They are coming for you…


Emily was a very very good girl with very dark desires. A childhood spent in an extremely conservative Christian family had given her a raging sense of guilt about all of the perverse things she craved. It was a quandary. Which is how she ended up hatching the plan of a raping zombie gangbang.

“Because I have always wanted to do a gangbang, but still feel weird about it but if I do it with zombies it wouldn’t really COUNT, see?” She explained with me with eager wide-open impish eyes. I was convinced. If my dear friend needed me to dress up as a zombie to assuage her guilt about wanting to be forcibly gang banged, who was I to say no?

This wasn’t going to be any kind of half-assed zombie gangbang either, we took this sort of thing SERIOUSLY. As one should. The gangbang group, three men and three women in total, got a professional makeup artist to airbrush our faces, and they went so far as glue torn rubber gloves onto us to get that all important peeling rotten skin look. Thrift stores were raided to get the right kind of clothes that said “fresh outta the grave” and bloody handprints were plastered all over our torn clothing. My graveyard chic dress had two jaunty bloody handprints right over the front of it. Because boobs. The three girl zombies sported intimidating looking strap ons. We were ready to rape us some tender ex Christian flesh.

Emily was shoved into the medical room of our local dungeon behind a cardboard door held in place with generous amounts of duct tape. Bloody handprints trailed down the door and there was a “Warning! Biohazards! Caution!” sign affixed to the cardboard door. Like I said, we took our zombieing seriously. Once our quivering victim was deposited in the ruins of the zombie plague lab, it was raping time.

With a collective group run we busted down the cardboard door that was between us and our prey and lurched as one into the medical room, softly and hopefully muttering “braaaiinnns?” Emily was nowhere to be seen. Our deathly rattles died in our hoarse zombie throats as we scanned the compact little room. Still no Emily. Had we lost her somehow? Failed to actually seal her up in the room? Were we zombie gangbang failures?

Fear makes for some interesting situations, and somehow Emily had folded herself up as compact as flesh origami and wedged herself deeply in the upper recesses of the medical table. Once she was located, the pillaging was on. 12 decaying hands reached in and plucked her quivering ass out from the depths of the medical table. It was no easy feat and the first time I really realized just how hard it can be to put your penis in someone that was not cooperating with you. We managed to shred her clothing off in short order, but actual penetration eluded us. Emily was like trying to hold onto a bag of feisty snakes.

The small crowded room rapidly became moist with the breath of 7 panting people. There was no traction to be had and I felt as if I was in the middle of a particularly grueling session at the gym. The six of us evil zombies were slipping and sliding around in a treacherous mix of lube and blood and shredded clothing. Moans, groans and the muttering of “braiinnns” echoed deafeningly off of the walls, which had quickly become blood splattered and lube covered.

To be perfectly honest, it was not a particularly successful gangbang. Too many penises, not enough holes and our bag of holes was not holding particularly still. We were all winded and slimy hot between our glued on rubber gloves. And I was standing in a small room with a bunch of my friends all dressed up as walking corpses. At one point we all caught each other’s eyes and just started laughing at the utter ridiculousness of the whole situation and with that the scene came to a close.

But you know what? No regrets. If one of my friends needs to be raped by six zombies, I will step up to the plate and dish out some decaying dick. Anytime. That is just the kind of friend that I am.

You get no attention and your profile is a desert

This place is full of fakes and flakes!

Nobody is friendly.

What is the point of even bothering to log into your profile? You never get any messages anyway…

Does any of that familiar? We have all heard complaints like that before over the years on various online sites. And I am willing to bet that most of those are coming from men. Why is it that it is mostly men complaining about how little attention they are getting?

It isn’t just because being the owner of a pussy entitles you to endless truck loads of attention. It goes much deeper than that. There is a fundamental difference in how men and women interact online.

If you look at women, they are interacting in groups, having discussions and talking to both men AND women. The amount of activity they get naturally doubles as a result. It isn’t a pussy pass for attention, it is that they are free to easily interact with *both* genders.

As a man, how often you do strike up a conversation with some guy that you don’t know online? I am willing to hazard a guess that the amount is pretty darn low. Are most of the messages and interactions you seek with women? They probably are. And your messages get lost in the blizzard of messages that come women’s way on the daily. That isn’t the pussy pass of awesome attention, that is homophobia.

Why are men so deathly afraid to talk to each other? Why do men view any interactions with other males as opening themselves up to the accusation of being gay? You are cutting yourself off from fully half of the planet. Women seem like they are drowning in attention in comparison because they can talk to both women and men with ease and don’t worry about judgment.

Are the only people you are bothering to contact and try to get to know people that you want to have sex with? Because if that is the case, I bet I can tell you why your profile is so boring and you never get any emails.

Having a support structure is critical for one’s mental health. You need friends to talk to. You need someone to hear you out, celebrate your victories and mourn your defeats with. If the only people you are seeking to do that with are potential sheathes for your cock, you are going to give yourself friendship malnutrition. And malnutrition sucks. There is a wide world out there. It isn’t all just possible vagina. Give it a chance sometime.

Food for thought my friends.


Your barren profile

Your poor barren profile

God, drunken baby daddies and gang rape

Hello there boys and girls! Today we are going to talk about the bible. You have heard of the bible, haven’t you? In specific we are going to talk about Genesis 18 and 19. It is a lovely story full of gang rape and incest and successfully bargaining with an infallible God. I am going to translate it to more modern turns of phrase so that we can all understand it, but feel free to get out your bible and follow along!

Let’s get started, shall we?

So God says to Abraham, “Hey I have heard really bad things about Sodom and I am going to go check it out and if it is bad as everyone says it is I am totally going to destroy it.”

And Abraham says “I hear where you are coming from God, but check this out as a concept…what if there happens to be 50 good and righteous men in Sodom? Would you destroy the good along with the bad? Would you really destroy all of Sodom, including the 50 righteous man? That seems kinda messed up”

And God replies “If I find there are 50 good men, I will spare the city.”

“Ok, that is amazing, and thank you God, but hear me out, I don’t mean to nag, but what if it was 45? Would you destroy the city over 45?”

“Fine, fine, if I find 45 good men I will spare the city.”

“Thank you God, and please don’t be pissed, because you really are the best, but how about 40?”

“40. Ok, I can do 40.” says God.

“Can I counter with 30?” Abraham replies.

“30? I can give you 30.”

“Can we go for 20?” Abraham asks.

“…Yes” says God.

“Ok, I swear that this is the last time that I can going to ask, but can we try 10?”

“Ten! Ok, ten. I will give you ten.” God replies.

Thus we learn that God can be easily out negotiated and that Abraham is the sort of man that you would want on your side when you are buying a new car.

So God sends two angels down to Sodom to have them check out the town. When the angels run into Lot, Lot invites them to his house to spend the night. “Naw, we are ok,” they say. “We are just going to crash in the town square.”

“That is a seriously horrible idea,” Lot says. “I really have to insist that you spend the night at my house and not in the town square.”

“Fine” the angels reply. “We will stay with if you insist so strongly.”

Thus we learn that Lot can also negotiate something fierce. Once Lot gets the two guys settled in his place and fed the ENTIRE male population of the whole town turns up at Lot’s house and says “Hey, bring out those two guys you have in there. We want to fuck them.”

“That is a horrible thing to suggest” Lot says to the horny rapey crowd. “Please don’t do that. I have two virgin daughters. How about you gang rape them instead?”

“No way!” the crowd shouts. “We don’t want pussy. Pussy is bullshit! We want that strange ass! Hand it over.”

This is when God and the angels realize that there are no redeeming qualities to the city of Sodom. “Get the heck outta here,” the angels say. “We taking this place down. We are leveling this stranger raping city of perverts. Leave before you also get destroyed.”

Thus Lot, the one good man in the entire city, fled and ran around a bit on the plains with his daughters before settling into a cave up in the mountains. His wife didn’t make it as she was unable to negotiate with God as well as her husband. After a while his two virgin daughters noticed that they were living in in a cave with only their father around and that there was a distinct lack of baby daddy material to be had.

So his his one daughter says to the other “Hey you know our dad who wanted to give our hymens to an entire city? We really need to preserve the family line. Let’s get him drunk and fuck him so that we can get pregnant.”

They then totally did just that and both got pregnant. Which must of made future family reunions kinda awkward. And also raises the the question, if the guy willing to offer up his virgin daughters to be gang raped by an entire town to protect the asses of two dudes he just met a few hours earlier is the one decent man in the entire city, what were the rest of the people in the city like? They probably did really bad things to kittens.

Ok boys and girls, that is our bible lesson for the day. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! Incest, gang rape and out haggling God for the win, am I right?


Lots' daughters get him drunk

Lots’ daughters get him drunk


The pillar of salt formerly known as Lot’s wife

You will meet people


And you will not like all of their flavors.

And that is okay.

You will meet some people that will take your breath away, where you click upon first very encounter, on a deep gut level, where you feel a delightful tingle and know they are kindred spirits of a like mind.

And you will meet people whose flavor is all wrong, whose taste is sharp and spiky and rancid in your psyche. Where every encounter rubs you the wrong way as if you are trying to make out with a porcupine.

And that is okay. There are over 7 billion people in this world, there is no way that you are going to get along with all of them.

Stay away from your own personal porcupines, give them space to go be sharp and spiky elsewhere. Cherish the ones you click with, hold them tight.

The magic ones, the ones that will take you on grand adventures and make your brain meat spark with pleasure, leaving you breathless and humming with endorphins and dopamine? Those are the people that you want to invest your precious time with.

Life is too short to spend interacting with unpleasant people, you don’t get back that time you spent resentfully in relationships, friendships and jobs that are not working for you. Yes, change is scary, moving forward can be terrifying and living in some stuck stasis can seem preferable to making that first step forward. I get it.

But there is magic waiting out there if you have the courage to look. Explore. Get lost. Get found. Grow. Learn. There are marvelous adventures out there awaiting you. All you need to do is take that first step forward. You will not regret it.

And keep dodging those damn porcupines.

In order to be in control of others, first you must be in control of yourself

It sounds delightful, does it not? Someone that obeys your every whim, exists to serve you and your needs and looks up to you worshipfully with stars in their eyes. Who wouldn’t want to sign up for that? What a self esteem booster, am I right?

So when you hear about this kinky lifestyle business, you can’t wait to become a part of it. This is what you have been waiting for your whole life! Maybe if you are really lucky you might end up with a harem of hot naked sex slaves at your beck and call feeding you grapes and doing your dishes.

It isn’t until you try and start collecting your rightful harem of starry-eyed submissives that you start to run into trouble. You start barking orders at these so called submissives and they…do not obey!! The shock. The horror.

Obviously they are not TRUE submissives and you thoughtfully take the time to point that out to them. They should be informed of the error of they ways. The shock continues as they are not receptive to your feedback on how a proper submissive should act. They might even mock you or snark at you in a very unsubmissive manner.

You slink away, discouraged and bitter and frustrated. You might even melt down and start insulting them, calling them “ugly” and “fat” and unworthy of the title of submissive. This BDSM thing is all a farce. Everyone is a fake, just game players and bad actors.

Take a deep breath and say it with me: “A submissive, not YOUR submissive.” As it turns out, the world is not teeming with weak-willed folk with just waiting to obey the orders of a complete stranger. Oh, sure, they are out there. But the people with low enough personal boundaries to blindly obey the orders of a stranger or relative stranger have low life expectancies. Usually from choking to death on their own drool or something of the sort.

In order to be in control of others, first you must be in control of yourself. And a “Dom” that comes charging at strangers demanding instant submission and then melting down when they do not get what they want doesn’t really inspire much panty dropping submission in others. It comes across as more like a 5 year old having a temper tantrum. And nobody wants to submit to a 5 year old…

Food for thought my friends.
Keep it kinky!

Can I get in that ass??!

Ever been curious what is is like in the festering swamp of crazy that is my inbox? Wonder no more!

From time to time I like to present some of the derp that flows my way on the daily. Today is one of those days. Normally I just delete and block. Just for once I tried to show this dudebro just how ridiculous he was being. I can’t say I had all that much luck. Guess I am back to the old delete and block. All spelling and messages unchanged, just his name is removed.


Can I get in that ass?

Why certainly!

I am incredibly wealthy, I have no job, nothing but free time and am the sluttiest person in the entire world!

When strangers from Illinois contact me asking to get in that ass, I buy a plane ticket and fly out on the spot! No condoms, no questions, I have a lovely case of herpes that I would like to share with you.

I am flying into your state tomorrow. I believe marriage is in our future. Particularly after I give you this herpes!

See you tomorrow my soul mate & life partner! How many kids are we planning on?


Good response!

I can’t wait to marry you!! Address please? I am coming.

Did you wanna give me ur number? That way when you land I’ll know ur calling and I’ll know to come pick you up?

I would rather surprise you! Surprises are the best! Give me your address.
Oh and give me your phone number.
Bank account too. No need for a pre nup, you can trust me!

Errrr. One quick question: Do you have two working kidneys & the x-rays to prove it?

Oh one last question, this is kinda crazy, but I am not asking for any particular reason, do you have anyone that might miss you it you didn’t get in contact with them? Clingy family members maybe?

These are great replies, lol. You dealt with trolling a lot I assume? If we only have butt sex I’m afraid we won’t be able to start a family. Let me know when you land

I notice that you are not giving up your address or phone number. I am so sad. I really thought we had something special! I thought we were soul mates!

Give me your legal name and place of work, I still believe in you. We can make this work baby, I swear!

I want all of your butt babies! Oh and where do you keep the pink slip to your car?

You know that the only way to get the dick in the ass is to be in the same room baby…you can’t be stingy with that address forever. Give it up. It is so cute when you play hard to get!

It’s 555 keep on dialing 5!

Now you are just boring me. Guess we weren’t soul mates after all. Dismissed.

And blocked as a quick look at his profile told me that he had actually been emailing me for the the past two years and I just hadn’t noticed before. He was actually admitting to trolling. There is no educating Dudebros evidently…