For women being bisexual is usually seen as hot or just edgy enough to be entertaining. However, the same does not seem to hold true for bisexual males. Bisexual women are “fun” at parties, bisexual men are not so much. All too often, men in our society are expected to be strong, competent, and completely heterosexual. This societal burden that men have to labor under is a toxic and heavy one. Any male that does not fall into that narrow category is viewed with suspicion.
Today’s column focuses on what it is like to date as a bi male, how bi males are viewed in porn and the oddest question that I have received to date about a “cure” for homosexuality. If your sexuality falls anywhere in a shade of grey this is the column for you! Let’s get started.
Is There A Different Standard For Bisexual Males In The Porn Industry?
“I am curious about your opinion on bisexual males. From what I read and see about the industry it seems to be frowned upon with men, but expected with women. What are your thoughts? Is that true?”–Curious About Standards
You are correct CAS, even though I really wish that you were not. In the industry, bisexual males are viewed as “crossover” talent (aka someone who works on both the gay side and the straight side of the talent pool). Many people flat out refuse to work with crossover talent.
The ostensible reason for this is that testing protocol is different on the gay side versus the straight side. On the straight side of the industry, there is incredibly strict testing for HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, Trichomoniasis, Hepatitis B and C and the tests need to be redone every 14 days. On the gay side of the industry testing is usually not mandatory and you are given the choice to either wear a condom or go without.
Supposedly the fear against bisexual males is that they could have worked in the gay talent pool and then come over to the straight talent pool and put their co stars at risk. However, a bisexual male cannot come onto a straight set without the same full panel testing as every other person there. Despite this fact, the fear is that since he is bi, he could be going out every night having unprotected bareback sex with untested men within his valid 14 day window. He would then come back to set and infect everyone there with something he had picked up.
This theory doesn’t factor in that having a valid test is what puts a roof over a performer’s head and covers their bills. A performer’s livelihood is completely dependent on their consistently having a valid test. Any performer that is going out and painting the town red while having unprotected sex with anyone that strikes their fancy isn’t going to last long in the industry.
If you engage in risky behavior and fail to pass your blood and urine screen, you are not just out the $250 cost of the test. You would have to pay for a doctor’s visit, pay for antibiotics, and not work while the infection clears. You would then pay another $250 for a new test to show that you can go back to work. This is assuming that the infection is treatable. Very few performers are going to chose possibly not working for over half a month and $600 (or more) in out of pocket costs to have a fun night of unprotected sex with a random that they picked up at a bar.
The reason that bisexual women are not viewed with the same reservations as bisexual men is because woman on woman sex does not have the same STI transmission rates as male on male sex. Even if a female performer went out every night to her local lesbian nightclub and picking up a different bedmate, the odds that she would be bringing something back to set is significantly lower.
The other reason for the limited depiction of bisexual males in adult films is economic. Since porn is a business most producers want to make a product with the largest possible market. In the industry, bisexual women are seen as appealing to a wider audience so they will be featured in more films. This is evident by most of the threesomes in mainstream porn being MFF. In these scenes the female performers freely interact with each other. When there are multiple males involved in a scene, they tend to only interact sexually with the female talent. It is perceived that there is a narrower market for threesome and group sex mixed gender scenes where all participants are interacting with the other actors equally. The belief is that if a consumer wanted to watch male on male action they would just watch gay porn.
Those are the “logical” reasons why bisexual men are not treated the same as bisexual women. But my gut tells me that there are illogical reasons at play as well. In my opinion, there seems to be an unreasonable social stigma around male bisexuality. I for one never had a problem working with crossover talent and did so all the time.
Is There A Cure For Gay?
“So I just have to share a vid clip with you. (Link to a YouTube clip where a man swears that using turpentine “cured” him from being gay) What is your take on that?”–Probably A Trump Voter
Well, congratulations on the oddest question that I received to date. Where to start with this? First off, many parts of YouTube are a rabid nest of conspiracies, badly doctored videos, and quack claims of utter nonsense. Your “gay cure” video falls under quack claims.
THERE IS NO CURE FOR BEING GAY. Being homosexual is not a disease that can be treated. Yes, if someone is so uncomfortable with their homosexuality that they simply can not deal with their orientation, they can throw denial or religion at it. The world is full of homosexual men that, for whatever reason, can not come to terms with being homosexual. They use coping mechanisms like the church, alcohol, drugs, or food to cover up their natural wiring. However, this is the first time that I have heard of turpentine as being a cure for homosexuality.
If turpentine “cured” homosexuality, every parent that could not deal with their child’s orientation would be running out to the paint store as fast as they could. Any adult homosexual that found their wiring a burden would use it to reset their sexual inclinations to one that is more acceptable to society at large. There would be zero people on the planet carrying the burden of a sexuality that they did not want to have. Turpentine would be heralded as a miracle cure in conservative countries and given out in bulk to “undesirables”.
But that is not the case, now is it? The news is not full of tearful ex gays singing the praises of turpentine. Because turpentine does not change sexual orientation. That is simply a fact.Turpentine can be extremely dangerous. Its vapor can irritate the skin and eyes, damage the lungs and respiratory system, as well as the central nervous system when inhaled, and cause damage to the renal system when ingested, among other things. Like Abe Lincoln said: Don’t believe everything you see online. Just because it is on the internet does not make true.
Why Are Some Women Put Off By Bisexual Men?
“As a bisexual male, you would think that it would increase my chances of landing a date on Friday night, but that isn’t the case. My being bi seems to be off putting to a lot of women. I am not ashamed of being bisexual, why is it such a deal breaker for so many women?”–Bi And Proud
One would think the benefit of being bisexual would be that you have multiple pools to fish in BAP. Potential partners galore. Opportunities wherever your eyes happen to land and a connection is made. Alas, that is often not the case.
Bisexuals are often judged as being greedy, indecisive, confused people that don’t know which camp they really belong to. Most people have a desire to categorize things and make them “black or white”. They have difficulty with things that span a spectrum and don’t conform to neat little boxes. It has been found that most prejudices stem from the brain’s need to reduce ambiguity.
Despite some folks fervent claims to the contrary, nobody “chooses” a sexual orientation. If you were born bisexual, then that is what you are. You cannot wish it away if it is inconvenient or a deal breaker for potential partners. In your case, it sounds like you are quite comfortable with your bisexuality. It is your possible dates that are having trouble with the concept.
In addition to people’s desire to group you into one camp or the other, there could be other “issues” that potential female partners might have. When it comes to male bisexuality, often potential partners have a fear that you might cheat on them, a worry that you may have engaged in higher risk sexual activity in the past, or hold the belief that a true manly man should not have the desire to interact sexually with other men.
Let’s tackle all of these issues one by one. A women could fear that your urge for male companionship could become so strong that you might stray. That you desire things that she cannot give you. In this case, all you can do is assure her that if you are in a monogamous relationship with her, you are going to respect that and not cheat on her. It is on her to decide if she can be comfortable in the situation.
In terms of a concern that you have engaged in higher risk activity in the past, this one is easily addressed by doing what all people, regardless of gender or orientation should do before entering a new sexual relationship: Get tested and share your results. Not only does testing put everyone’s mind at ease, it is the responsible and ethical thing to do.
The last factor is the trickiest one. If a potential partner is turned off because you are also sexually attracted to men, their feelings are valid. As opposed to being discouraged by that fact, look at it as they are saving the both of you the most precious thing in the world–your time. Look for partners that are comfortable with bisexuality and only date them. Such women do exist, I am one of them. I adore bisexuality in all of its forms and I strongly prefer my male partners to be bisexual. I know I am not the only woman out there with such inclinations. While the potential partner pool may be smaller for women that are comfortable with male bisexuality, it is not nonexistent. Be completely honest about your needs and desires. You will find that you will attract people that are comfortable with them.